Winter warmer courtesy of Ainsley Harriot

I just wanted to share a brilliant recipe I discovered while channel-hopping the other week. It's Ainsley's Sausage and Bean Bake and it's a fabulous dish for these cold autumnal evenings. 

It's easy to make and is really filling. I've tried it a few times and have made a few variations, like leaving out the herbs, garlic and worcestershire sauce and it's just as tasty. I also forgot to buy the beans one day so put it boiled potatoes and it was even more filling. 

My eldest two loved it and ask for it every day so for it to make an impression on them it must be tasty!

 Let me know if you try it and if there are any tweaks you make to the recipe.

Ingredients

6-8 butcher-style pork sausages
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion finely chopped
1-2 gloves garlic crushed
1 red pepper, deseeded and chopped
1 celery stick, finely chopped (optional)
1 packet of oak-smoked bacon lardons or 3 rashers chopped
Pinch dried mixed herbs
1 tablespoon dark brown sugar
1x 400g can of chopped tomatoes
1 tablespoon tomato puree
1teaspoon mustard
Good dash of Worcestershire sauce
2x 400g cannellini beans, drained and rinsed
1 tablespoon fresh chopped parsley

Preparation

Preheat the oven to 190c/350f gas 5. Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large heavy based frying pan. Add the sausages and cook gently for 2-3 minutes or until just sealed and lightly browned on both sides. Transfer to a plate and set aside.

Wipe out the frying pan add the remaining oil then tip in the onions, garlic, peppers, celery if using, bacon, and herbs and cook over a gentle heat for about 5 minutes stirring occasionally or until softened but not coloured.

Turn up the heat stir in the sugar and cook for 1 minute then add the chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, mustard, Worcestershire sauce and 200ml/1/3 pint light chicken stock or water. Bring to the boil then simmer over a low heat for about 15minutes. Stir in the beans and continue to cook for another 5minutes.

Transfer the sauce into an oven dish then arrange the sausages on top burying them into the beans. Place in the hot oven and cook for 15-20 minutes until bubbling and the sausages are cooked through and tender. Sprinkle with chopped parsley and serve.

Tip: You could use butter beans or borlotti beans.

Families....

I've managed to make a start on my Family Memories book. It's incredible what stories come out once you start reminiscing. I asked my Mum to write a few pages for me and instantly she came out with parts of her life I'd never heard about. I'm hoping that it will be a really interesting read for someone in the future.


Sadly though, my family are at war and I'm caught in the middle. In the last few years there have been problems between certain members of the family but since Nanna died it seems to have escalated the arguments. You'd think that families would pull together in times of bereavement and it's so sad that it hasn't happened.


It's made my life difficult lately but I've tried to step back from it all. I'm a born worrier anyway and don't need any encouragement!


Thankfully, in a way, I have the children and house to keep me busy and as I barely have time to stop most days that means I don't have time to ponder such issues. It has meant that I've been unable to truly grieve for Nanna and her death seems like it hasn't happened. Almost like it was just a terrible dream. I guess that's not good for me but it'll all come out someday....


I look back, particularly since writing the book, and I see how wonderful my family were. In my eyes they were almost the perfect family and in my naive way of thinking I would love to go back to those times. I do realise that times change, people too. 


I had planned a gathering for January but after so much tension I realised that it wasn't the right time and I will sadly not be the person to bring them all together again. Time to take off those rose-tinted glasses!


One of my cousins agrees with me and we've made a pact to not let our parents' arguments spoil what our generation have so we've decided that when our cousin is back from his tour of duty in Afghanistan the 'grandchildren' are going to have a day together without the rest of the family. Hopefully it'll be the start of a new family tradition. 


We need to look forwards....not back into the past. Wish me luck!! 

Life is a rollercoaster MKII

The title of my last post is rather poignant looking back over the last few weeks.


On Tuesday 12th October we got back from Molly's parents evening and my Mum called. My Nanna had been taken really ill and the family were with her. That was all I was told but I instantly knew I had to get there to be with her. I wasn't aware that she'd been given 24 hours to live until the next day but I never got to say a proper good bye to my Grandad and I just knew I would regret not going.


I was shocked when I walked into her room. I'd seen her just the weekend before, on what would have been my Grandad's 80th birthday and I thought she'd looked the best she'd looked all year. She still wasn't completely herself but she'd been through so much, with many emergency hospital visits, heart failure and more. That day my aunt told me that earlier that week Nanna had admitted to her GP that she'd had enough and felt like a prisoner in her own home. I still believed she was strong enough to cope but I think that she truly had given up on life. Grandad died in 2007 and I know how hard it was without him. He was her life. The 3 years before he died she spent every day at the nursing home caring for him and making sure he was well looked after.


I stayed overnight but felt absolutely useless as my aunt and Mum did all that was needed. I slept relatively well, being without the children, but felt guilty for that. Mum & I did a shop for essentials for the family while they were looking after Nanna but I still felt useless doing that.


I was able to help out when my aunt, Mum and I gave Nanna a bed bath and change of clothes. It finally felt like I had done something worthwhile for my Nanna. Although she was heavily dosed up with morphine she was aware of us all being there and I was alone with her after her bed bath for a few minutes. She awoke, I told her that it was me there with her and she said 'Oh hello darling' and although I didn't know it at the time, they were to be her last words to me. She fell asleep so I kissed her on her forehead and left the room.


It was a struggle keeping strong, particularly when the GP and nurse were being brutally honest about what to expect  and what signs to look out for and I became ill so left to go home earlier than planned. I told the family that I would be back the Friday night but deep down I knew that wouldn't be so.


I got the call on Thursday morning at 5.40am. It didn't shock me getting the call as I knew it would come at any time but it was still hard to handle. N was an absolute rock, taking over with the children, letting me rest and making sure that I was okay.


I decided fairly soon on that I didn't want to see my Nanna in the chapel of rest because I'd said my goodbyes and the vision of my Grandad in his coffin has haunted me ever since I saw him. I didn't want to know what she looked like, if you see what I mean. I wanted to remember her in my own way.


I felt like I needed to do something to show my love for Nanna, to make her proud and show how much I thought of her so I wrote a eulogy. I wasn't convinced I'd have enough courage to read it myself in front of a church full of people so my Mum offered to do it for me but after some wise words from a twitter friend (thanks Doug!) I thought that it was the least I could do. They were my words, my memories and wouldn't have been the same.


I was still nervous about it on the day of the funeral but as we followed the hearse up to the church Nigel asked me if I was happy to read the eulogy and without thinking for a second I said with conviction "I have to do it for Nanna' Saying it out loud was what I needed to give me that courage.


I was so pleased to see the church full for Nanna. Distant family and lots of friends turned up. Even my Dad came and he hadn't had much to do with the family since he & mum divorced. It meant so much to me that he came.


I stood up with Nigel, and my Uncle who was also giving a reading and did my best. I hoped I read it loud and clear and made people aware of just how much I love my Nanna and that she was a huge part of our lives and has left a gap that will never be filled. I managed to hold out until the last sentence but think her & Grandad would be proud.


In the evening most of the family went to have a meal in Nanna's honour. We all even ate her favourite meal. Ham, eggs and chips at The Alex in Felixstowe. I sat on the 'grandchildren's table', it's just the way the seating worked, but it was brilliant. We all had a great time and I'm sure Nanna & Grandad  would have loved the fact that we all had such a laugh together. I even got the giggles at one point (totally sober!) but thankfully no-one saw it as disrespectful. It was what our family used to be about, love and laughter.


After that we walked onto the beach and released 2 night sky lanterns into the sky.


It was the perfect way of remembering and honouring the 2 wonderful, inspirational people we have sadly lost.


Now we have to get on with life, just as Nanna would want. I've not really been able to grieve in the normal way as I have to stay strong for the children. They don't want to see their Mum in floods of tears! They are aware that Great Nanna has died but for Charlie it doesn't really mean a lot. Molly, bless her, has asked a few awkward questions but as a 6 year old she's bound to be naturally inquisitive. One question was 'How ill was Nanna?' My reply 'Well, so ill that she died!' She asked me to read out the card that went on the flowers and she asked why I didn't put 'We know you have died' Nanna would be smiling at those!


Nanna went to her grave with a little poem that she used to recite to Molly when she was a baby and I never got around to getting her to write it down. As far as I'm aware no-one in the family knows of it so it has inspired me to write a Family History/Memories book with everything from important dates to my memories of each family member. I love history, particularly my family history and I want my children and grandchildren to know as much as possible about our families.


My eulogy

My Nanna

I will always remember my Nanna for her rusks and her roast dinners, which were out of this world, but there are also many other wonderful memories.

There were holidays & trips with her & Grandad. Nanna & I went to visit Mandy, Phil & Scott when they lived in Germany and I often wonder how many laws were broken with the suitcase of English food supplies we took to them!

There were many weekends spent visiting them in their home, which was always warm and welcoming. Full of family, love and laughter. You could never visit my Nanna and leave hungry. There was always a steady supply of cakes and biscuits (and rusks of course)

The ‘Harris goodbyes’ as my husband so fondly calls them, where it would take an hour at least, to say goodbye. We’d start to leave only to spend time in the kitchen talking, then move to the back door and spend ages talking on the steps. Such was the warmth of Nanna’s home that it was difficult to leave her & Grandad.

The story of how she & Grandad met was probably the most romantic story that I have ever heard. When they told me that story it was the moment I realized just how much they loved each other. That love was never more shown than when Grandad had his stroke and was in Chilton Meadows. Her love, care and devotion to him was unfailing. She dedicated her life to making sure that he was well looked after and comfortable. 

I could go on and on, there are so many memories, but these are the ones I think of most.

My Nanna was an inspiration to us all and it’s testament to her and Grandad that they raised such a loving, caring and close family.

Nanna, I will never stop missing you but it’s a comfort to me that you’re with Grandad again.