10 years

It’s a big birthday for me this week. No, it doesn’t end in a ‘0’. It may not seem like a particularly special age to you but for me it is a big deal. I am going to be 35 on Wednesday.

5 years ago I wasn’t looking forward to being 30. It seemed so old! I almost wanted to brush that birthday under the carpet so when N’s divorce came through in the October before my birthday we decided to get married as soon as we could. I thought 9^th February would be perfect. Getting married on my birthday would take away the focus of being 30!

How long ago that now seems and how ridiculous to think 30 was old. From Wednesday onwards whenever I answer a survey (I take a lot of surveys. I’m a SAHM, I have nothing better to do apparently!) I will no longer be able to tick the 25-34 age box. I’ll be in the 35-44 category. That makes it seem like a big deal to me.

As I sat on the sofa watching tv the other night I had a momentary flashback to my ‘previous life’. It took me back to about 10 years ago and I had almost forgotten how horrible my life was then. 5 years seems like a long time ago because of the amount of stuff that has happened but 10 years was literally another lifetime ago.

I thought that if I had known then that my life would turn out this way then I would have found the strength to cope better but actually I DID cope. I DID come out the other side and I am incredibly happy with how things are now.

10 years ago I was working in a job that I didn’t like. I was suffering with depression with no-one around to support me, and the biggest issue of all-I was trying to escape from my violent husband. I’d left him on many occasions but he always managed to persuade me that I couldn’t cope without him and that I was too weak to go it alone.

I moved out for the final time in 2001 but it still took another 2 years to get him completely out of my life. It was really difficult to make that break for good because he had me believing that I truly was useless alone. As it started to dawn on me that I could manage and that I didn’t need him it was so liberating. I had wasted 8 years of my life on him but I refused to waste any time on regrets. It had taken a long time but I had made it out.

I met N in 2003, not long after my divorce was finalised and I just knew he was The One. We had a whirlwind romance, moving in together after 3 months and our daughter arrived 1 day short of our 1 year anniversary of meeting. We now have the 2 boys as well and life is wonderful. N believes that fate had us living the lives we did before we met so that it would eventually lead to us meeting.

I hope that when I’m sitting here in 10 years, approaching 45 (eek!) I can look back and still appreciate that it’s not all bad but to get to the good times you have to go through the rough spells.